Who would have known 2020 would end up this way?

I laugh as I re-read my entry on the 2nd day of 2020.

It was a post dripping with hope and gratitude. A hope common at the start of every new year. Gratitude for being alive and having the energy to make things happen.

Fast forward to today. Middle of May, close to the middle of the year. A year that feels like 10 years. A year where days have melted into each other. There are no more delineations between Mondays and Sundays. No more lines between 11:30 AM lunchtime with a meeting and update time with colleagues.

My role in my current company is also in flux. Instead of being able to focus, I am made to do all things just because there aren’t as many resources available as we had planned for.

Our dreams and ambitions as a newly-married couple will also need to be more flexible. Because the next few months are up in the air and while incomes are stable now, we don’t know for how long. It’s not giving up, it’s about adapting. And being ready to adapt as needed. I want to live in the NOW but also keep one eye on the future.

The pandemic could turn for the better (with spread controlled, more testing or a vaccine developed) or for the worse. And I want to be as informed as I can as possible.

My husband criticizes me for watching videos about the pandemic. But I keep at it because I want to be able to know what’s happenning not just in the Philippines but all over the world. Some are struggling while others are coping. It’s my way of getting a handle on the situation and getting through this.

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I’ve been outside a couple of times for a grocery/medicine run, but things are not the same as before.

Grocery shopping, a favorite activity since my childhood, isn’t as fun anymore.

Before: I spent many hours scouring the shelves for “new” items to try out.

Now: I need to be in a hurry to minimize exposure to the virus. Pick only the tried-and-tested essentials because there isn’t a budget for experimenting.

There are no more taste-test booths, the shelves are half-empty or the stocks are on the floor. Perhaps not enough shelf-fillers are able to come to work. Items are not always neatly arranged.

Dining out was once a relaxing activity I looked forward to on weekends.

Before: It was always a choice between favorite places and new spots to try out. Seen as treat at the end of a tiring work week. We’d take as much photos to mark the special ocassion.

Now: No such thing as dine in anymore. Everything is for takeout and delivery only. Except for pizza, pasta, milk tea and chicken, things are not the same when eating it at home.

Sushi is not as fun without the train. Jamba juice is not as fresh when delivered. Coffee? 3-in-1 is fine nowadays.

When I think about it, except for our cat, there’s nothing we take photos of anymore.

I keep on reading articles saying that “it’s alright not to be OK” at this time. And I must admit, that I am not OK on most days. I have sleepless nights and very vivid dreams. Previous teachers, bosses are guests in my dreams. I have deadlines and projects to attend to in my dreams. That’s why in the morning, when I wake up, I feel far from refreshed.

Everybody in the world is going through their own thoughts, fears and may be processing the situation in their own way.

I know that we are all just trying to do our best.

 

 

 

2020: Hello to a new decade

I was born in 1985. Grew up in the 90’s and made it to the year 2000.

Now, I can’t believe that it is already 2020. Have to get used to writing the date that way from hereon.

Glad to be part of the slice of the generation who went through all these colorful decades and I’m not even 40 yet.

I was there when cellphones were bricks and Nokia was all the rage. I was there when the internet was something you had to dial into and email addresses came with a CD and a fee (Edsamail, Edsamail, your cheap, cheap email).

I was there when you wait by a landline for a call from classmates to discuss homework and nonesense (can’t wait for the next school day to discuss?) and my mom would guard every conversation.

I played Super Mario on a Family Computer and blew on the “bala” whenever there was an error. My mom had foresight to enroll me in a computer class in Grade School despite our limited funds. There were only 10 of us in that laboratory class where we learned how to draw hangman using HTML (Wordstar, I think?).

I learned how to have fun with team games like jackstone, chinese jackstone (sewed my own set) and chinese garter. We played cowboys and indians without knowing the history (we were too young to care about political correctness) or langit, lupa, impiyerno (heaven, earth and hell) complete with its gruesome song:

Langit, lupa, impiyerno (Heaven, earth, hell)

Im-im-impiyerno (He-He-Hell)

Saksak puso, tulo ang dugo (Knife thru the heart, blood spills)

Patay, buhay (Dead or alive)

Alis ka na dito (Leave)

As a student, I benefited from doing library research (even worked in a library during college) and searching yahoo for guide on a book report or articles for a debate. One of my fondest memories was digging thru the Senate library to research for a debate, topic was water or power concessionaires, I think? Now, I purposely keep myself out of the loop when it comes to news to lessen the stress and to keep my mind focused.

Looking at this blog of sorts, my earliest post was 2012. Well, blog, I’m blessing you with a 2020 post. A first of many, I hope.

 

Are carbs to blame?

I have been using the wrong benchmark to judge my daily sugar levels. To my mind, as long as it was below 140, I was safe. Turns out, I should be aiming for a level of at least 100.

What I noticed:

• If I don’t eat rice for dinner, my morning numbers tend to be low at 108-110
• One weekend, I let myself sip 3 gulps of Coke. It did not contribute to a high number the next morning at only 115.
• Eating at a mall restaurant, made my evening numbers rise to around 200. Shocking. Your imagined sense of control on the situation flies out the window.

Last night, I spent some time listening to Dr. Sarah Hallberg’s TEDx Talk on “Reversing Type 2 Diabetes starts with ignoring the guidelines” where she asserts that a low-carb-high-fat diet was the best chance to reverse T2 Diabetes. More of her work can be found here. She is an expert in obesity medicine and internal medicine and claims to have helped her patients to technically reverse their diabetes diagnosis (this goes for patients who have been on insulin for 20 years).

I checked out the recipes that she recommends including this one for chocolate chip cookies and though it seems doable, some ingredients like almond floor and xanthum seem too expensive for normal people like me.

Perhaps, I could do it little by little by avoiding breads and cake as much as possible. Preferring to only eat meat and veggies over carbs like rice and pasta (huhu). It hurts coz I love pasta dishes and noodles so much.

 

 

 

The numbers have improved!

D-Day at the Doctor didn’t turn out to be too bad!

First, the Thyroid Stimulating Hormone (TSH) numbers, where the normal reference would be between 0.27 – 4.2 uIU/mL, improved significantly:

02 April 2016          6.6

04 August 2017       4.13

20 October 2017     2.3 amazing!

Goal is to maintain it between 1-2 levels.

And to think that Levothyroxine meds is hard to take because it has to be on an empty stomach. It is the easiest to skip/forget!

Now, for the weightier numbers:

ALT from 70.70 to 54.60 (still classified as High but greatly improved; normal is 33)

AST from 39.10 to 34.60 (again, still considered High, with a normal of 32)

Cholesterol from 5.62 to 4.29 (normal is 5.20)

Uric Acid is now at 289 from 585 (normal is between 202 – 416.5)

HBA1C from a high of 9 to just 5.6 (normal is between 4 – 5.6)

To add, I tipped the scales at 204 lbs in my August visit and only weighed in at 190 lbs this October. Who knew I could have joined The Biggest Loser contest in our office and would have had a fighting chance.

Goal is to remove the Uric Acid medicines but still maintain the normal range. Goal is to scale down on Metformin to 2x per day to only once per day dosages.

Morning medicines are Liverprime, Trajenta Duo, Losartan and Urinorm.

Evening medicines are Liverprime, Glumet and Avator.

By December 12, should my tests still show that I am able to maintain the good numbers (reach goals and beat them), then I could actually do away with Glumet and Urinorm and potentially make Liverprime a once a day supplement.

To manage the meds, I place them all in a container so that I just keep replenishing the groupings on a weekly basis. Avator and Losartan look the same!

D-Day at the Doctor

Tomorrow is D-Day at the doctor’s office. There’ll be many things I will find out by tomorrow:

1. Did my numbers improve given the treatment plan?
2. Will I be able to discontinue some of my medicines?
3. What fresh prescription will I get?
4. Are there any further tests I have to take?
5. Is the diet-supplement regimen I am thinking of purchasing–with a hefty price tag–worth it? I’ll consult the doctor first before purchasing.

I could hop on over to the hospital to have a check right now, but I guess I can hold my breath until tomorrow 3PM.

Setting aside some time

Was supposed to get some blood tests ran today but hit a snag when the lab technician told me that I was 1 hour overfast. I drank my last glass of water since midnight and was there at the window by 10:30 AM which supposedly puts me well within the 10-12 hour fasting required for blood tests.

I wanted to break down and cry knowing all the things I had to set aside just to make it to the hospital that morning. It meant that I had to ensure work-related things were still moving even when I would be offline for a bit.

Anyway, of course, no matter how frustrating it is there is nothing I can do about that and I just have to return as instructed.

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In my life right now there’s work and more work. Hustle and side hustle in an effort to ensure the bills are paid.

I know that I should also set aside time for relationships, health & exercise and other fun stuff but the thing with working in the digital space is that there’s seems to be no “offline”.

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Some small wins…

Sometimes, I choose not to charge my phone overnight to ensure I do not keep on checking what notifications I have received.

I was able to find time to read Crazy Rich Asians and am now 1/3 finished with Rich People Problems – hooray for me! Been a while since I picked up a non-fiction book.

Have always been reading books related to my trade.

Oh, and I found some time to type into my laptop a non-work-related note–this post! 🙂

Food and DT2

Upon learning my blood tests show that I indeed have developed Type 2 Diabetes, I cried out of helplessness because I felt like I have made mistakes all these years that led to this.

Admittedly, if I review most of my diet, it has consisted of canned food, some processed meats (luncheon meats, canned tuna) and noodles (I absolutely love Lucky Me Pancit Canton), but this has been my diet since I was a kid. When money was tight, I’d lean on some rice and noodles to fill my belly–I found it comforting.

While I do love eating fruits and veggies, they are quite a challenge to come by in large prescribed amounts on a day-to-day basis. Salty food such as fries (Potato Corner and Mcdo fries) and chips are yummy and are considered a treat after a tiring day. I do enjoy the chocolate in my Milo and I almost always order coffee with choco.

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Thankfully, the doctor advised a simple meal adjustment plan. Choosing brown rice over breads. Limiting it to 3 cups per day (1 cup per meal). Choosing chicken over other red meat. Limiting red meat to only 2x a week. Choosing to eat more vegetables and fruits. Choosing to drink water than juice. Avoiding alcohol. Distancing myself from smokers. She didn’t say anything about cutting out coffee, but I assume less sugar and less cream in the mix would be better.

“You are what you eat.”

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Thankfully, our office provides lunch and snacks. Most of the time, the food is healthy consisting of veggies, seafood and red/brown rice. On days when there are no rice choices, I choose to skip the white rice completely.

I was told to only pick eating lean meat and stay away from fat. Good thing, I never enjoyed eating fat anyway.

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There’s a food sensitivity test I could actually take to check which types of food are considered a “poison” to the body. It is priced at around Php 15,000.00 and seems like quite a hefty investment. Seriously considering getting that as a Christmas gift for myself

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Speaking of Christmas, the good doctor warned me about Christmas in the Philippines and how we’d most likely have to attend multiple Christmas gatherings/parties. She told me to closely watch what I eat especially at those times of buffet folly.

How my food choices from hereon will fare compared to the past, still remains to be seen. For now, I have to chug down 6 different types of medications and fight to ignore the tingling in my fingers, brain fog and tiredness.

Hiding like a cat

I remember our eldest cat Beki, hiding inside cabinets when he wasn’t feeling good. Turns out, if we didn’t bring him to the vet that day, he would have died because his kidney was in bad shape.

Similarly, another cat of ours, Betchay, the youngest one, hid herself in between our stove and the wall when she wasn’t feeling okay. She would pass away a good 3 weeks later after battling a mysterious illness.

In a way, that’s how I am feeling at the moment. I feel like hiding like a cat. I do not want to see my mom and sis in person. I don’t want to attend family gatherings. Just until I know I am not yet better.

Should they give me reminders or reprimands, I know I must/can take it. Because they say it with the best intentions.

Nevertheless, I don’t like them seeing me weak.

Toes and Fingers

I recall some conversations in my early life between my mom, our pediatrician and I about an itch or a tingling sensation I felt in my fingers and in my toes.

As a kid, my wild imagination had me thinking that there were worms living under my nails squirming inside leading to the itch. However, our pediatrician Dra. Oliveros said, that it’s usually the early signs of diabetes.

If I remember correctly, I was less than 10 years old at that time. From then, I still continued to feel the itching on my fingers and toes but have learned to ignore it.

I would acknowledge the sensation for a few seconds and then go about my life. The feeling would sometimes grow in intensity that I would have to put pressure on my toes while sleeping, as in push my toes against the bed.

Writing this, I now recall one episode a couple of months ago when I felt so bothered by the itch I visualized chopping my toes off just to relieve the insatiable itch.

I did a Google Search of “tingling in tips of fingers” and “diabetes” and this is what came up:

High blood sugar can cause diabetic neuropathy, which damages the nerves that send signals from your hands and feet. Diabetic neuropathy can cause numbness or tingling in your fingers, toes, hands, and feet. Another symptom is a burning, sharp, or aching pain (diabetic nerve pain). (from www.healthline.com)

Further reading also attributes this symptom to systemic disorders such as hypothyroidism, which I have as well.

I believe that explains it. I have to be careful about my nerve health given that I have two conditions that seem to be the root cause of this discomfort.

Tingling, I can take. But the thought that one day, if I do not keep my diabetes under countrol, there may come a time when parts of me would have to be amputated (scary even to type it) gives me extreme sadness & fear.

Close to Christmas in 2016 I remember feeling a stiffness in my right ring finger. It lasted for 2 months and at night, when there is less activity, that’s when the stiffness manifests. I wouldn’t be able to close my whole hand into a fist, because the ring finger would stick out. For some nights I have had to tie it with a handkerchief to keep it in place.

It wasn’t until I took Neurobion (suggested by my mom) for at least a week that I noticed an improvement. Two weeks of taking it completely made the stiffness go away. If any one is reading this, for your info, Neurobion contains Vitamin B12 that combats nerve damage.

Hashimoto’s Checklist

Did several web searches on the topic of Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis and noted several effects attached to it. Just wanted to go through it one-by-one to help me understand my condition.

Weight Gain

Walking daily for at least 20 minutes had the reverse effect on me. Instead of maintaining my weight of 185lbs, it made me gain 15lbs. It scared me to tip the scale at 200lbs. I am fully aware than for a height of 5’2, 200lbs opens me up to a host of other issues such as knee and back injuries. I was surprised that this happened at the time when walking was a consistent part of my day.

Fatigue

It’s tough for me to say if the level of tiredness I feel day-to-day can be attributed to my condition. Since college, I’ve always felt “low batt” by 10PM.

Brittle Hair

More than brittle hair, I noticed hair loss. This was scary because I like being a girl about my hair and coloring it, wearing it long or short.

Difficulty Concentrating

Have not encountered this challenge as yet. I can still stay concentrated during meetings, while crafting emails/presentations. If at all I get distracted, I reckon it is more because of mobile phone notifications!

Feeling Colder than Normal

Not so prominent for me. Whenever I do feel cold, I check with others in the same space if they feel cold as well, and they usually do. So, I conclude that I still perceive cold the same way others can.

Dry Itchy Skin

Does dry, flaky scalp count? Dandruff has always been a part of my life. I relish days when my scalp is tame and under control. Perhaps it’s my oil-prone skin type is more to blame for dandruff than Hashimoto’s. But I can’t be sure.

Goiter

Doctors did ultrasounds and manual examination on my throat area for this and no goiter. Yey.

Depression

The least visible of the effects. Haven’t sought professional help to confirm if I have depression. Yes, there are times when I do feel sadness and feel like I do not want to interact with people per usual, but I have yet to get the proper diagnosis for this.